allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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