I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
