Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
When are your genitals available?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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