the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
