then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm too high and old for this...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
