I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I think i got beer on your cat.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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