I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
