Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
