ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
