WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize