i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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