and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
