you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
