he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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