Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
