do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
