It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
