My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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