I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Randomize
