I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
