if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
