Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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