I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
