I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
His nipple licking is glorious
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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