The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
