actually, I'm a sock model
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
