Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
