We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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