smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
