as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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