I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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