Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize