we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
