the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm like, not good at living.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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