i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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