Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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