I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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