Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
