you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
