would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
