there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
