Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
