Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
