This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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