do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
