I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I wish I only lived at night.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
