Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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