I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
