white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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