I just pynch a tree in the face
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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