I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
