If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
