How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
