so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
