I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
