He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize