You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
