Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
