Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
