i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
