There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
