I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
