Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
