he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
