That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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