So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
