I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
