oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
