Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
