if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
