And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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